When the Throne Becomes Unhinged
Up a Creek Without a Paddle
By: Charles Giuliano - Oct 01, 2013
Our brand new toilet seat from Home Depot failed. It literally became unhinged just a couple of days after being installed.
It was as replacement when its predecessor failed because of cheap, inadequate plastic fasteners.
This time we insisted on metal hinges and screws.
There were few such options and the hitch is that the metal screw came with a plastic fastener.
It seems you can't win.
Roman, who helps us with home repairs, takes his work seriously.
After considerable effort he managed to overcome the crappy screw and plastic apparatus and reattached the seat.
For how long is anyone's guess.
He also is an activist consumer and makes a habit of e mailing and calling manufacturers with complaints and questions for tech support.
This is the absurdly authentic response.
Yet again truth is stranger than fiction.
October 1, 2013
Mr. Charles Giuliano
Adams, MA
Dear Mr. Giuliano:
I was sad to hear that you experienced some trouble with our toilet seat. As President & CEO of The Duping Toilet Seat Co., I can assure you that we take all toilet seat issues seriously. Our seats are manufactured with the greatest care. Each unit is carefully crafted by master toilet seat carpenters in the mountain region of Kakaastan. Each seat passes through thorough inspection and in fact, we have a team of employees and farm animals whose sole purpose is to actually use each seat we manufacture over one hundred times in a ‘real world’ situation. Not one seat leaves our facility without the strictest inspection. We take pride in our product and it is no easy feat for our seats to get our seal of approval. I believe that each and every toilet experience should be joyous, monumental, and productive. We value you as a customer and as our company is the No.2 toilet seat manufacturer, please know that we do try harder. We would like to offer you a discount on one roll of bathroom tissue, which can be redeemed at the Kakaastan Shopping Center, which is open every other Tuesday during a leap year. While you are in the area, we would like to invite you to join us for a factory tour. We can offer you a fine lunch consisting of world famous Kakaastani goat pudding and a fine jackal ale. In closing, I would like to regale you with our company slogan, which in a drunken haze in a bar in Minsk I came up with; “When you think of pooping, consider a Duping”. Clever, no?
Sincerely,
John A. Duping II
Pres., & CEO, The Duping Toilet Seat Company